I wrote this article last Friday, just before finishing the genre one. So everything I will write here happaned last week. Here is the story:
I am right on my schedule finishing my next step for the comic book project, yet I am writing this but I think it is important to tell you what happened with me in the last days.
Where to start, ah lets see, here. After I posted the new article in the serie I was so excited to do the next step, yet I was exhausted of writing the previous post. I told myself now is the time to relax and I will have plenty of time next week to finish it. On Monday I sat down, collected infos, learned new things and read about many things that will be useful in the near future. Yet I didn’t made what I wanted to, I didn’t finished the article. I still had planty days so it was okay, I know what other tasks I needed to do. I procrastinated on them. On all of them for more days. This is when everything started to tremble.
Many questions have appeared in my mind: how will I get money and when? What should I do? I brainstormed ideas, I went back and forth between them – which one will work, how will I do them, will they work? I was afraid, very afraid. I started to play Tera Online (An MMORPG) again, it was good because I didn’t have to think about the questions when I was playing. Not until I stopped playing. I went to sleep really late and I was not able to get up in time so my whole next day was screwed right from the beginning. This was going on for days. Yesterday I got a call from an old acquaintance of mine. She had a work for me. This wake me up that day.
At that moment I started doing everything I have been procrastinating with and finished them all. You could think that I was happy for getting a work but actually it was the opposit. The first thing that popped up in my head was: Really? Am I going backwards? Is this a test from life? I felt like my decision as being a freelance artist and a blogger was questioned. Why? Because the work I was asked for was creating a website. I left my job because I didn’t wanted to build websites for other people anymore, yet it find me again. I was like “oh, hell no, I don’t want this”. I haven’t said anything to the offer, I said I will get back to them. Today when I woke up I was so nervous. What should I do I asked myself? Why do I feel so unhappy? What is wrong with me? I even got a good offer, this can help me. Then I realised that no, this wont help me, this will just pull me back to where I came from. An offer like this will bring me other offers in the same field. Is this what I want?
No, this is not what I want. As soon as I have really realised this I felt better. I finally saw the Sun again. I’ve also made an other realisation. All these days as soon as I lost the focus of working on my comic and enjoying the process of creating it my world basically collapsed. I didnt know what to do and where to go so I’ve run away. I slept long every day and played games for many-many hours doing nothing that would solve my problem or even that would make me realise that I had a problem I ran away from.
Sometimes we don’t even see that we are suffering. At a time like this a sudden change in our environment, an unexpected thing from life can wake you up. What have I learned from this? I will pay more attention to myself and my feelings. As soon as I realise that something is wrong, I don’t feel good or I am not happy then it is time to ask myself: What is wrong? What can I do to be happy here, right now? When the answer arrives it is time to act. If you don’t do anything, nothing will change, And finally if you have found a solution yet you feel you are still down ask your heart is this what you want? Your heart will tell you the answer, just like it helped me. As with this I will get back to my comic, see you soon with the next article.